Missing You Comes in Waves & Tonight I'm Drowning
by OptimisticGirl
Summary: She was gone. She'd sacrificed herself to the darkness he had hunted for centuries, leaving him with an empty ship and a desperate heart as he sought solace at the bottom of a rum bottle. She was gone and he was drowning. [One shot] [Birthday present for my priest!killian soulmate jscoutfinch!]


She was gone.

Loss was a concept Killian Jones was all too familiar with.

It had plagued his long life like a curse, following him from the small seaside village where he had lost his mother to the deck of his beloved ship where Liam and Milah had been taken away from him, both times at the hands of black magic.

Losing Liam had sent him into depths of despair so deep he had turned his back on everything he had known, on who he was. Milah's death at the hands of the Crocodile had flung him into a darkness he hadn't even tried to escape. He had spent centuries there, letting her loss fuel him to make decisions that took him further and further away from the man his brother had known.

Emma Swan had fallen into his life then, all blonde hair and fiery personality. She had made him want to be a better man, to claw his way out of the darkness and reclaim who he knew he could be. To be a good man again, a hero worthy of not only her but Liam's memory.

And then the curse that had eluded him for centuries had come in the form of the blackest magic and he had lost her.

It had been a week since Emma had sacrificed herself. A week since the woman he loved became the Dark One. Or was it two weeks? The passage of time didn't matter to him anymore, not without her bright smile or joyous laugh to mark it. He'd barely left the _Jolly_ , sequestered within his cabin with only copious amounts of rum and the dark blade with her name etched on it to keep him company.

David had pressed the blade into his hand moments after Emma had disappeared, the prince whispering that there was no one better to guard the relic that could control her than him. He had spent centuries in pursuit of the dagger, made countless deals and broken hundreds of promises for just the hope that he may one day hold it. And now he had it. He had spent hours staring at it, memorizing every swirl and notch on its blade until every detail had been burned into his memory.

But this wasn't how it was supposed to be. Her name wasn't supposed to be the one on it. It shouldn't be her that he was able to command, her light that had been snuffed out because of the darkness. It wasn't his happy ending that was supposed to be taken away.

But it hadn't been taken away by force.

No, Emma had willingly sacrificed herself to keep Regina from losing _her_ happy ending. He had spent endless nights sitting against the cabin wall, a bottle held loosely in his hand and his mind muddled with rum as he replayed those final seconds.

Emma hadn't even blinked when it came to giving herself to the darkness. There had been no thought to how it would affect him or her parents. He had bared his soul to her only days ago, finally admitting to her that she was his happy ending, the only way he knew to tell her he loved her. He had even died in the alternate universe to ensure she and Henry could get away to save them all.

And she hadn't cared at all that by sacrificing herself, she was taking _his_ happy ending away.

Growling he strode across his cabin, almost stumbling in his drunken stupor as he made his way to his desk. Wrenching the black blade from its resting place he held it eye level, her name glinting in the moonlight. The thought of summoning her, of _having_ to summon her had churned his stomach in the days after she had disappeared. He couldn't handle what he would see – her porcelain skin turned green, emerald eyes blackened. But now, weeks after not seeing her and with more rum flowing through his blood than he'd consumed in three centuries, he muttered the name that lifted and broke his heart simultaneously.

"Em-Emma Swan. Emma Swan. Emma…. Swan."

The darkness was all consuming.

From the moment she had thrust the dagger into it she had felt it – the cold tendrils seeping into her heart, wrapping around her until she could no longer see her parents or Killian standing in front of her.

* * *

There was only the darkness.

She felt the transformation in her very soul, the darkness trying to push Emma Swan down until only the Dark One remained. She felt the prickling in her skin as it turned pale white, shimmering as if glitter lay beneath the surface. She watched as her hair faded from blonde to silver, the locks curling until it laid in soft waves around her shoulders. Her clothes simply fell away, the sweater and jeans crumbling as a long sleeved black dress replaced them, a deep neckline revealing more shimmering skin and cleavage.

And the power – it coursed through her veins, burning like fire as it raged to find a way out. It needed to be unleashed, to be wielded with the ferocity that her title dictated.

But the darkness couldn't consume all of her.

There was a spark, faint but unwavering in the depths of her heart that kept the darkness from fully taking over. It was a spark born of the purest emotion, the greatest magic in all the realms that kept the darkness at bay, no matter how loud it howled for domination.

It was love.

Love for her parents, for her son…. and for Killian. The darkness could physically change her, shape her to appear how it wanted to but it could never truly have her heart and soul. Her loved ones held them and so long as they did the darkness was only skin deep.

She didn't know how much time had passed, the flow of it obstructed in the ethereal blackness she found herself in. Physically it felt like only hours had passed since they had returned from the alternate universe but her heart told her differently. It had been much longer than a few hours since she had told Killian she loved him, seconds before giving herself to the darkness.

And then she heard it.

"Em-Emma Swan. Emma Swan. Emma…. Swan."

 _Oh, Killian_ …. She tried to fight the call, the anger and sadness lacing her name more than she could take. But an ancient binding between her and the power of her name as the Dark One refused to let her ignore the summons. In the blink of an eye she found herself in his cabin aboard the _Jolly Roger_ and the sight that greeted her had her gasping involuntarily.

It was in complete and utter disarray. Charts and books littered the floor, some torn to shreds with suspicious hook marks in them. The small bunk they had only shared a handful of passionate nights in before the darkness came was rumpled but it was clear it hadn't been slept in. The various trinkets that were normally meticulously placed were strewn around the room, some in shattered pieces.

In the middle of the mess, the cursed blade that was now linked to her through the oldest magic in his hand, stood Killian.

He looked like hell – dark circles under his eyes telling of the hours of sleep he had lost, his drawn features showing he hadn't been taking care of himself physically, dark locks askew in a way that spoke of countless hours of running his hand through them rather than their normal messy state. But it was his eyes that broke her heart. They were dimmed, no longer a vibrant blue, as if the will to fight had left him.

"Killian?"

His head snapped in her direction and she realized he still hadn't fully seen her yet, the shadows in the dimly lit cabin clinging to her like a second skin. Taking a deep breath she stepped into the light provided by the single lamp on his desk. She watched as he held his breath, his eyes scanning her from head to foot, no doubt cataloguing her various physical changes. When he said nothing, not even an acknowledgement of her presence before sitting the dagger down and picking up a half drunk bottle of rum, she felt her heartbeat quicken.

"Why did you call me?"

He chuckled as he pulled the bottle from his lips, the sound dark and menacing.

"Your new station doesn't allow you to be called, Dark One. You were _summoned_."

He was clearly drunk. His words slurred, not holding their normal finesse and fluidity. He was even swaying slightly on his feet - had she ever actually _seen_ him drunk, aside from his past self? She felt the darkness rise, trying to get her to react with anger but she shoved it away. Something was wrong here and she wouldn't let the blackness dictate how she handled this moment.

"Why did you summon me?" she asked, trying to keep her voice as level and emotionless as possible.

He grinned at her, almost madly, and she was sure she was witnessing Captain Hook in all his feared glory

"To get answers, love."

Emma shook her head, her silver locks swinging with the motion. "I don't understand, answers about what?"

Another deep pull of the rum before he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"About how you could do this… how you could become _that_."

She swallowed hard against the lump that rose quickly in her throat. He wasn't looking at her like her Killian did, like she had hung the moon and freaking stars, as if the very ground she walked on was blessed. It was still there in those blue depths but it was buried deeply by disappoint and anger. Sad Killian she could deal with. She knew how to ease the furrow of his brow and make a smile pull at his lips.

Angry Killian directed at her for her own actions was a new beast she wasn't sure she could master, even as the new Dark One.

She sighed. "You know why I had to do this, Killian. The darkness… it wouldn't have stopped until it claimed its next victim. We had to tether it to someone like Merlin did. It would have devoured Regina and she's worked too hard for her ha—"

The bottle breaking against the cabin wall startled her, dark emerald eyes meeting hard blue ones across the room.

"AND WHAT ABOUT MY HAPPY ENDING?!" Killian shouted, the vein in the side of his neck straining with the force. Whether he realized it or not his hook had lodged into the wood of his desk, disappearing almost to the curve. "You sure as bloody hell didn't care about how hard I've worked for mine when you made this choice, did you Emma? You never took me or what we have into consideration before taking my happy ending away."

Her jaw dropped, unable to hide the genuine shock she felt at his words. "Killian… of course I took you into consideration."

He laughed darkly. "Sure doesn't seem that way from where I'm standing, lass," he snapped, body going rigid as he stared at her, almost challenging her to dispute his words.

And then she saw it.

For a split second he let his mask slip and she saw his true emotions. Buried beneath the anger and hostility lay fear and hurt, the real emotions pushing him to do this, to act this way toward her. But then it was gone, the mask of anger once again going up. She ignored the whispering of the darkness, telling her to let the pirate believe what he wanted, that there were more important matters to deal with than the hurt feelings of one man who didn't matter.

Because he did matter. God did he matter to her. And for all the times he had been patient with her, for all the times he had stood by her side even as she shoved him away time and time again, she would be there for him when he so clearly needed her.

He remained still, his eyes never leaving her face as she walked forward until she stood mere inches from him. She could see the war going on inside him, his emotions telling him to shove her away but everything else in him screaming to reach for her. But she knew in this heated moment he wouldn't make the first move. Keeping her eyes locked with his she reached down and took his hand, placing it over her heart as she had before her sacrifice.

"I was able to tether myself to the dagger because I knew you would move heaven and Earth to save me. It wasn't about not considering you or what we have – I did, more than you will ever know. But I knew the risk was worth it because you wouldn't give up on me. You never have. I didn't take your happy ending away because it's still here, Killian. My physical appearance may have changed but _I'm still here_. I'm still the woman who likes cinnamon on top of her cocoa, who lives in a town full of fairy tale characters and is still shocked when a new one pops up…. And I'm still the woman who is in love with you."

She watched as the hardness left his eyes, his body going limp as he blinked down at her, blue eyes wet with unshed tears. "Emma—" he breathed but she continued, needing him to know this not for only his sake but her own.

"You vowed once to win my heart without any trickery and you did, Killian. Even now the darkness can't fully take me because my heart belongs to you, wholly and completely. I swear it wasn't about choosing Regina's happy ending over yours because that would mean choosing hers over mine and I have waited my entire life for it and I'm not giving it up without a fight. Because _you_ are my happy ending."

He surged forward then, kissing her with an unrestrained passion that she had never felt from him before. As his hook dislodged from the desk and wrapped around her waist, his hand coming up to tangle in her hair so he could deepen the kiss she felt the darkness fall into silence, its constant whispering drowned out by the love she felt pouring from him. As they came up for air he rested his forehead against hers, his eyes shut tightly.

"Swan, I'm sorry," he whispered, the smell of rum almost consuming her. How long had it been since he had been sober?

"I understand," she replied quietly, running her thumb across the scar on his cheek. "My track record of letting you know how I feel hasn't been the best and anyone would have felt as you did."

Killian shook his head as he took a deep breath. "It still doesn't excuse my actions, love. I was abhorrent toward you—"

She gently shushed him, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. She refused to let him drown in self-loathing over this. Not when there time was so limited.

As if sensing her thoughts his arms tightened around her. "Don't go," he whispered, his words muffled against her neck. She tightened her own hold on him, her hand coming up to thread in his disheveled hair.

"Killian, I have to. The darkness may not have complete control over me but it won't stop trying. I— I can't be trusted around anyone right now, especially those I love."

He leaned back so he could look at her, his hand reaching up to idly twist a lock of silver hair around his finger.

"I can't go weeks without seeing you again, Swan. It's a level of Hell I do not wish to subject myself to again."

The sadness and desperation in his eyes pulled at her heart and she stubbornly ignored the darkness as it hissed that being around him would be her downfall, that the pirate who wanted to end the Dark One's life still lurked beneath the surface. She had been around him tonight and hadn't harmed him. Their kiss actually seemed to silence the darkness in a way not even her inner self could. Perhaps she didn't have to torment either of them by staying away. The darkness sensed the threat Killian was to it and was fighting her - she wouldn't let it win.

"If you promise to spend your days in the library with Belle looking for a way to rid me of this curse instead of drowning in rum, I promise to come to you every night." Killian grinned widely but before he could move forward to kiss her again she held a hand to his chest, her glimmering face serious. "You can't tell anyone that you're seeing me, Killian. While I can control my emotions the darkness still has access to all my inner demons, both old and new, and won't hesitate to use them against mom and dad, or even Henry. And I can't hurt them."

He nodded solemnly, clearly not okay with keeping something from her family but understanding her fear. He licked his lips nervously, eyes bright with hope.

"So you'll come to me?"

She nodded, smiling for the first time since the Sorcerer had taken the Darkness out of Gold and unleashed this nightmare. "Just call and I'll be here."

He leaned forward, taking her in another passionate kiss that left her breathless and sent the darkness receding into the furthest reaches of her mind.

"How do you do it?" he mumbled, pulling away from her only enough to keep their lips touching without kissing.

"Do what?" she breathed, not even trying to hide how breathless she sounded.

"How do you always bring me out of the darkness?"

She smiled softly at him, emerald eyes drowning in a depthless ocean of blue.

"The same way you're going to bring me out of mine - with love."


End file.
